Ways to Improve Child Behavior and Family Relationships
The importance of “catching” the good
Like the individuals that make them up, families too are a collection of past experiences that ultimately guide all interactions, perspectives, and habits. The actions of individual family members, whether child or caregiver, mutually reinforce one another and facilitate routine ways of interacting and communicating. What does this mean? If your child is navigating a challenging transition, you will likely experience frustration, concern, or a change of habits yourself. If these behaviors become consistent over time, you may develop your own routines or parenting habits. Overall, changing the perspectives or behaviors of one individual in the family will always have some impact on how the family as a “unit” functions. It’s like throwing a rock on a still lake, there is always a ripple effect. If Gia’s behavior starts to improve, her mom may start to notice sibling Jay’s behavior start to decline and focus more on him.
If you’re thinking about how your own habits have developed, you are likely thinking about your past. While we can’t change history, we can change the daily interactions and environment that is facilitating behavior. How? First, recognize the pattern and become more aware. Then, start small. We all tend to get in ruts or even positive patterns for that matter. These patterns will continue to manifest until at least one person breaks the patterns keeping them in place.
Noticing the “negative” is part of human nature. This is because noticing what is “wrong” is usually the most obvious, frustrating, and triggering. While noticing what is wrong serves it’s purpose for survival, support, and care for a child, focusing too heavily on the wrong can lead to negative and problematic cycles. Some children are more prone to receiving negative feedback due to increased likelihood of dysregulated or problematic behavior, such as those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or other neurodevelopmental disorders. Noticing the positive or even the “average,” is more important, especially as it relates to breaking dysfunctional patterns in families. Noticing and reinforcing the positive attempts or behaviors also helps children learn new appropriate behaviors in the future.
“Catch ‘em being good “ is a simple, yet mindful strategy that helps families communicate the positive efforts of others and it creates a positive family culture at home. Simply put, the goal is to find ways to “catch” a family member doing something you appreciate or something they do that contributes to a positive family environment or personal growth. This could be an action as simple as recognizing a child attempting to clean up their toys, asking for help, or persisting with something new like riding a bike. There are many ways to incorporate “catch ‘em” strategies in your daily or weekly routines that don’t take extensive efforts. Like all habits, start small and look at how to incorporate these strategies into what you already do as a family. For example, if your family sits for a meal each evening, use it as a conversational starter to highlight the day-“I caught ___ helping his sister clean up her toys, what did you all notice today?” If you would like more of a hands-on activity, try creating a tangible or visual representation, which can be helpful and engaging for kids.
Families can create “catch ‘em being good” spaces as a way to catch members in the family doing something positive that likely gets overlooked. For some busy families, writing notes throughout the day can be easier than talking out loud in the moment. As a family activity, one can create a “catch ‘em” space in many creative ways.
Use a box or jar, small foldable paper, and writing tools and place it in a common place in the home, such as a kitchen. Family members can freely acknowledge good actions of others throughout the day and place it in the jar or box. You can read these statements each evening at dinner and/or as a family activity at the end of the week. It is important to also create your own rules, such as what would happen if someone writes something negative or if someone does not have anything written about them, etc.
You can assign people to watch one another for the week to encourage positive interactions between siblings or other members of the family system. For example, Jovias is assigned to catch Rosie for the day.
Recreate this strategy with a journal, drawing book, or other creative means that fit for your family!
*For more general information, tips, and strategies to support your child or family, contact Behind the Behavior Psychology or follow along for more blogs!