Tips to better understand your child’s behavior
Look Behind the Behavior…
All behavior communicates something. While they live in the same world as adults, children do not perceive the same world as adults. The developing child brain is not able to interpret, explain, or find language for big feelings or uncomfortable new experiences. Why is this important? Young children cope with change, regulate their emotions, and communicate big feelings through behavior. This places pressure on parents to help make sense of that behavior to know how to respond. If parenting wasn’t hard enough…now you need to read the mind of a 3 year old?! In reality, emotions and frustration kick in and you may find yourself in a never ending cycle of using ineffective strategies, yelling, and parent guilt. Some days those strategies work, some days they don’t. Here’s why.
Reducing disruptive behavior in children or adolescents is not as simple as strictly controlling their environment. Evidenced based treatments, such as behavior therapy are effective in helping build skills. However, some skills may not apply to the complexities and nuances of day-to-day parenting. Am I right? Before you go doubting your parenting skills, this is not something that comes naturally. Psychologists or experts in child development study and train for years to understand brain development and child behavior. As a parent, your innate response is to reduce your child’s discomfort in the quickest way possible, or to find ways to stop the ever-so-frustrating meltdowns just to get through your day. By shifting the mindset with how you view challenging behavior, you can reduce reactive responses to behavior (“Stop!” “No!”) and increase use of responsive strategies that enhance child development and improve coping. Ultimately, this will help reduce parenting stress, guilt, and allow you to be present for the parts of parenting you love and cherish the most---raising healthy, happy, and resilient kids!
Working with families in schools, hospitals, and specialty clinics, I’ve learned that supporting child behavior doesn’t come from advice from a single book, strategy, or “expert” provider. It comes from the collaborative efforts of all the important caregivers in a child’s life—starting with the parent. Resulting in…
Behind the Behavior Psychology, PLLC
“BTB” Psychology was developed as a specialty private practice that teams up with parents to determine what’s behind their child’s behavior. Better understanding behavior is the first step to developing an action and support plan that actually works. No more useless clinical jargon, nonspecific strategies, or working with providers who feel like robots reading from a manual. By shifting the mindset of how you view behavior, you will find that parenting stress decreases, confidence in where and how to find support increases, and learning more effective ways to connect and support your child becomes easier. Looking behind the behavior is grounded in three main “reframes.”
1. Behavior as “Communication”
To reduce the frustration that comes with challenging behavior, it is important to reframe behavior as “communication.” What is your child telling you? That’s so simple, right? No no…that’s because children themselves aren’t sure what they are communicating. However, through collaboration with trained professionals, you can find ways to support your child based on the need they are communicating. All children communicate through behavior, because their brains are still learning how to find words for big thoughts and feelings. Children (and adults) thrive on predictability and routine because that’s how their brain makes sense of the world. Challenging behavior may be your child’s way of coping with unpredictability, anxiety about an event, adjustment to family change, or a need for connection or stimulation. By determining the need they are communicating, you can take intentional steps to better support that need. In general, children learn how to communicate and cope more effectively when trusted adults are able to reframe and/or give them ways to communicate the need, rather than engage in disruptive behavior.
Behind the Behavior Psychology, PLLC helps determine what your child is communicating through assessment, Behavioral Parent Training, and individual therapy services. You will learn what your child is actually telling you and how to respond to the need behind the behavior, rather than react to the behavior itself.
2. Behavior as a “Skill Deficit”
Developmentally, challenging behavior occurs naturally as a child learns to navigate and interpret the world. Asking yourself if the challenging behavior is the result of a skill deficit can help shift the focus and find ways to problem solve. Ask yourself…is my child’s behavior resulting from a skill their brains have yet to acquire (e.g., following 2-3 step directions) or a skill they are unable to acquire (e.g., sustaining focus for 45 minute virtual learning sessions)? Every child is different and knowing what is developmentally appropriate is not always easy to identify. With help from your child’s providers, you can learn what behavior is developmentally appropriate and then you can better adjust your expectations of child behavior. Shifting to the “skill” mindset will help you perceive behavior as a skill deficit rather than an intentional act to ignore or push buttons. Some children may be prone to more challenging behaviors due to neurodevelopmental differences, such as those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder, Learning Disabilities, or Language Disorders due to differences in the brain. Learning about child development and your child’s unique patterns of strengths and weaknesses can help you provide more intentional supports. With support, you can learn to present information in a way that aligns with your child’s brain development and/or ways to help teach skills. When behavior is a result of a skill deficit, parents, teachers, and providers can all provide intentional strategies to build the child’s adaptive skills based on their strengths.
BTB Psychology conducts comprehensive psychoeducational and diagnostic evaluations, as well as early developmental screeners to assess, identify, and monitor your child’s early milestones, pre-academic readiness, and school functioning. From here, you can determine whether your child’s behavior is a result of an underlying skill deficit or symptom, or a typical response to information not presented at their developmental level. In addition, BTB psychology offers school advocacy and consultation services to help advocate for your child’s needs. In collaboration with your child, family, school, and other providers, the psychologist will create an action plan for what supports or interventions are necessary.
3. Behavior as a “Learned Pattern”
Children are naturally adaptive and incredibly resilient. A child’s behavior alters their existing social environment, including the behavior and attributions of their caregivers. By looking at behavior as a “learned pattern,” you can view your child’s behavior, as well as your own, as adapting to certain life circumstances. We are all creatures of habit and children thrive and rely on predictability and routine. Children are more likely to engage in ongoing behavior that elicits a positive or desirable response. Whether it’s gaining a reward (e.g., grocery store candy bar) or avoiding an aversive event (e.g., leaving the park), behavioral patterns are developed over time. Parent, caregiver, or teacher perception of behavior is often more powerful than the behavior itself. By examining the environments/circumstances surrounding child behavior (e.g., family dynamics, school, community, culture) you can learn a lot about what’s behind a child’s behavior. When the behavior of a child changes, so does that of the family system. It’s like throwing a rock into a still lake…there’s always a ripple effect.
BTB Psychology believes that we could all benefit from learning to do something a little different. BTB Psychology specializes in Behavioral Parent Training and family therapy services to help identify communication or behavior patterns that are keeping you or your child stuck, as well as develop new adaptive routines to better cope with change.
Not sure what’s behind your child’s behavior? Start with what you know. Reach out to your child’s pediatrician, school, or specialty practices like Behind the Behavior Psychology, PLLC and talk about your concerns and observations. Even if it may not feel like it at times, you are the expert in supporting your child and you don’t need to do it alone. Working collaboratively with a psychologist can help determine what’s behind your child’s behavior and help develop an action plan.