Recruiting and sustaining attention are skills that are developed and shaped over time. Children benefit from specific cues that help them determine what information is important. In our booming world of insta-technology and stimulation, we are constantly shuffling between one thing to the next or doing three things at once. The brain is not meant to attend to everything and therefore only focuses on what is important in a given moment. This serves as a survival mechanism for us, but can also be an annoyance when trying to ask your child to come to dinner and they are glued to the much more entertaining IPAD in front of them. What may seem like blatant noncompliance may actually be a skill deficit or lack of attention. For children, it can be even harder to attend to verbal requests or non-stimulating tasks because the part of the brain that regulates or shifts attention is still growing. When children are not attending, not following through, or they are misunderstanding even routine tasks, frustration and reactivity increases, as well as challenging behavior. Rather than working hard after a behavior has occurred (which unfortunately is the most obvious and likely scenario we find ourselves in) try to recruit your child’s attention before stating a request or introducing a new task. Most challenging or frustrating child behavior can really be communication (what do they need), a result of a skill deficit (have they not yet developed a skill that is required), or a learned pattern (how have they learned to cope or respond in this situation). For more information on ways to reframe child behavior see Tips to better understand child behavior. Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries and expectations are important for your child’s development and success, including learning acceptable behavior, consequences, and coping. To better determine how to respond to child behavior or what lies behind it, we need to make sure they are attending to us in the first place. Try introducing these strategies into daily conversations with your child, particularly during transitions or requests when attention to caregivers is necessary.

1. Check the environment and ensure your child is in a space where attention can occur. Can they hear you? Can they see you? Then begin with a direct prompt for attention such as, “I really need your attention now because I am going to talk about something important.” For younger children you may need to identify behaviors that are necessary for their attention such as, “To pay attention you need to put down your toy and look at me while I speak.”

2. State the behavior(s) you want the child to engage in, rather than what you do not want them to engage in. The goal for requests or setting expectations is to be developmentally appropriate (something the child can do), stated in the positive (the appropriate behavior), and concise. “When the school bus comes at 7:30 dad will walk you to the end of the driveway. Please use walking feet and hold his hand”

3. In a calm and neutral manner, ask your child to repeat back in their own words what they understood. Without this step, you may not know if they comprehend or if they have any questions. Without this awareness, misbehavior can be viewed as intentional noncompliance when really the child did not fully understand the request or expectation. What the child attended to may be different than what you intended.

4. Children need repetition and exposure. They learn best by watching others and by exploring through play. Include aspects of new routines (e.g., getting on the school bus) into their play and have them play different roles to improve skill building and to give them a sense of self-control. As they develop, children attend to patterns or information that fit into their existing view of the world.

Wanting more information? Check out additional resources at Behind the Behavior Psychology, PLLC